Love...

Who has not fallen in love before? I dare say no one. Why? Because we are humans, and humans do what humans do. It is like why dogs scratch themselves so hard that they seem to want to scratch their ears away. Just like why a parrot would imitate sounds that it hears. And there is no clear explanation because there are just too many people that have their own opinions.

I am a 20 year old teen that still has a lot to learn about life. On my way on this long journey, I have fell in love at least a dozen times. But only now, I realize what love really is. It is not who I love and who I care about, but it is who makes me feel loved and how she makes me feel high. So actually, I only love myself. As selfish as I can be, I realized that I do not love these girls with pretty faces, nice voices and talents that I admire. But I love the way I feel when I sit beside them, the way I feel when I am talking with them, and the way I feel when they allow me into their life.

This is no big discovery; there are many books and films that warn me about how love really is. Surprisingly, I still took a big portion of my life to realize that I have been knocking into walls build up by these girls for so long that half my brain is already numb. I am so exhausted from running that when I stop for a moment; I get scared by just looking around myself wondering where the hell I am. I have changed so much I can’t recognize myself any more.

Now, I giving up on girls of my age because I realized most of them are so hurt from past relationships that they hide themselves in a tower so high, that they can hardly see who’s knocking at their door at the bottom. Yet, younger girls aren’t any better; because I believe a person must go through a certain crisis in their life to mature. These younger girls are in the comfort zone and are just too naïve about the world.

Girls that are in a relationship sometimes get so busy that they don’t have time to stop, take a few steps back and look at where they are going. It is obvious that they are going in circles. And the sad thing is they do not like changes. They remind me of my parents when they do not want to use a new chair just because the older one is old, still they complain about the old chair every now and then. These girls fog up their own mind so much that they do not see what the world is really like. Until one day, when the fog finally clears up, they realize what they have missed.

Now, when I am courting a girl, I can’t really say whether what I am doing the right thing or wrong thing. Sometimes it is just neutral. I am still a guy that needs to fall in love once in a while to keep me sane. It is just how well I can cope with it and hopefully one day, one girl would understand how I feel and stick with me. This would save me from the pressure of other girls when they wear pretty dresses and talk real nice with me. (Laughs) Because I know these girls just want attention but my stupid heart is sometimes just so uncontrollable.