Tuesday, November 21, 2017


You tempt me with power


Just a family, getting excited about two squirrels running round the trunk of a coconut tree. Enjoying the little things in life around them. With laughter.

The grandma shouts excitedly when it comes around. The dad taking out his massive camera trying to capture the moment. And the grandpa asking why the squirrels are doing what they're doing.

And I'm just standing-by enjoying the whole thing. 😊

Sunday, November 12, 2017


Pride is something I've struggled with for years. On one hand, my idol, Vegeta is full of the Saiyan Pride as the last prince of Saiyan. He strives to achieve greatness through extreme training and to me, he should get what he deserves when you put your 100%. Unfortunately, the author often humiliates him, puts him down, and places him second to Goku. While I understand why this is how the story unfolds (the usual "for love and the protection of others, instead of the love of self"), Vegeta's journey of pride still saddens me whenever I think of it.

According to Dante, Pride is the worst of the Seven Deadly Sins and defines it as "love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbour". It was the original sin that turned Satan against God. It was Pride that  turned Angels into Devils. It was Pride that led Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit. It was Pride that led to the fall of empires like Rome and Shogunate of the Edo-era. It's effect on humanity is clear.

However, of the Seven Deadly Sins, Pride is the only one with a virtuous side. In a good sense it means having a feeling of self-respect. We can be proud of something good that we've done. We might be proud of our son or daughter or husband or wife or anyone else who is close to us and who has done something good. And here's where it comes to a conundrum.

As I was searching online, I came across this quote:
"Pride is a demonstration to others - dignity doesn’t need to demonstrate to others to exist." ~ Peter Quodling

Dignity doesn’t require comparing ourselves to others. If we have done a good job, we feel grateful, not superior. If we keep ourselves well, we appreciate our commitment to our health and the good feeling it gives us. But we don’t feel better than those who can’t find the time, money, or circumstances to keep themselves well. I think the main difference is that true dignity bespeaks a generosity to share what we have with others. Pride is a commodity that we hoard for ourselves. Dignity contains a humility and gratitude that invites people toward us. Pride often exudes an arrogance and egotism that repels people.

Yet, alone I am.

Consciously and unconsciously, I admit I do push some people away in my life. For better for worse, some people have also pushed me away from their lives. The question is, why? 

Wednesday, October 25, 2017


Interesting how different I would treat these situations. A girl is in distress and super stressed out over her ATM card. My approach is I'll let her let it all out and do what she thinks she needs to do.

While this other girl sat down with her and tries to convince her that her ways are wrong and that she should let it go and enjoy her holiday.

Which approach is better? 🤔

Thursday, August 24, 2017


Don't ever advise me about Comfort zones.

Fucking pisses me off.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017


This is what happens when someone has everything they ever wanted.

They ask without even meaning to get what they ask for anymore because they already have everything.

They don't strive to get what they ask, they ask simply. Even when the giver has every intention to give so the person treasures it. They know that it will not be treasured.

I have no respect for people like that. They ask haphazardly, they live life haphazardly, they don't see how much they can actually afford to give and how much others can benefit from them. They just keep asking.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

The stage

When I'm up there, showing the world i can do something they can't.

Man it's feels good to perform.

Getting out there. Seeing how people awe at my awesomeness. Seeing how they realise, "how does he do it? How am I supposed to do this like him?"

It feels good. It feels good to be skilled. It feels good to be competent.

Friday, June 02, 2017

Wonder Women

It’s annoying that I think about things.
Fuck you Hon Chao, why did you introduce me to Dan’s Hardcore History
Now I believe there’s no good guys in wars
And when Wonder Women’s fighting the Germans, two things I thought about.
Firstly, how would WW know the first time he met that spy guy that he’s the good guy and the German’s the bad guys? The Amazonians basically killed all those man trying to take something back that the “thief” stole from them.
Secondly, if I’m a German watching this, how will I feel? They seem to be always the bad guys. The movie mentioned they had people starving too, it’s not like they weren’t shoot at. And gas weapons? Guess what, the British used it too.

Ahh, feels good writing this down. Bothers me so much I have all these conversations in my head with no one around me that would understand or appreciate these thoughts.

I also don’t wanna be THAT guy who talks as though he’s so atas and his thoughts are superior about these things.

If someone has passed through this mental phase, how would this person be like at the end of it? Would this person give up entirely on these forms of entertainments? I couldn’t enjoy it like how I would in the past because I was constantly analysing the moral messages (e.g. “I chose to believe in love” says WW. I was like WTF does that mean? How does that help!? Basically at that point, I thought WW was the more na├»ve, bimbotic person in the entire movie.)

And all those people SHE killed? How is that justified? The movie starts off with killing 10s of people to save one person. Like wtf?! Just because they are bad guys it’s ok? Pisses me off that’s how I think about things now.