Friday, December 30, 2005
Problems… How lar to solve this stupid problem?
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Happy Go Lucky...
Q: What is Bipolar Disorder?
A: The DSM-IV, or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is used by all mental health professionals to determine whether or not a person is suffering from bipolar disorder. According to its definition, Bipolar Disorder is characterized by the occurrence of one or more Major Depressive Episodes accompanied by at least one Manic Episode. The criteria for each are as follows:
Major Depressive Episode (APA, 327)
A. Five or more of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest in pleasure.
(1) depressed mood most of the day nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful)
(2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day
(3) significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g. a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day
(4) insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
(5) psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)
(6) fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
(7) feelings of worthlessness or excessive inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick)
(8) diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)
(9) recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide
B. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
C. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g. a drug abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g. hypothyroidism).
D. The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.
Manic Episode (APA 332)
A. A distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting at least 1 week (or any duration if hospitalization is necessary).
B. During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree:
(1) inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
(2) decreased need for sleep (e.g. feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
(3) more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
(4) flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
(5) distractibility (i.e. attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli)
(6) increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation
(7) excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g. engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)
C. The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in social activities or relationships with other, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or if there are no other psychotic features.
D. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g. a drug abuse, a medication, or other treatment) or a general medical condition (e.g. hyperthyroidism).
In Short, It’s a type of mental illness that cause really BAD and LONG lasting Mood Swings… Like I said, I was in depression for almost 8 months after my best friend, A gone to Singapore and I couldn’t walk the path he chose, so I had to stay in HELP University College…
But right after my depression I became REALLY happy… if you were to try to rate my happiness from 1-10 mine would be 11, it’s extraordinary… because I have Bipolar Disorder Syndrome… It’s just too bad I have to stick to my medication for the rest of my life because I want to live a life without attactments… but now I got no choice but to get “attached” to my medication now…
I still love my girl ALLOT and wish that she will understand why I’m not pampering her to the MAX… our relationship is going to fast girl, we got to slow down… hope you will be reading this soon enough before we end up in another fight…
I love you girl, I really do, and I really want our relationship to last forever, but for now, it’s good enough… take care k? Love you girl, love my readers and most of all, I love god…
Hear my prayers, please let all friends of mine live a happy life and may all be at peace with thyself… take good care of all my friends and family and may them treat others nicely too…
Sunday, December 11, 2005
NO REGRETS
I LOVE YOU BABY!!
Here’s my story…
It all started after I broke up with P, I was telling myself I won’t get another fucking gf coz they all SUCK…
I was wrong… now, after 1year and 9months, I’m with another girl…
Her name is S, I met her 1 year ago (almost) in OBS Lumut… she wasn’t exactly in my Watch, but she was in my Friend’s watch, Eu Gene…
Anyway, it didn’t start fine… I… dun like to admit this, but I wanted to play her at first… bcoz of a few reasons…
1. I “thought” she was a play girl (a girl who goes around playing people’s feelings just for fun)
2. I wanted to test my kau lui skills still got a not… Lol
3. I memang quite desperate for a gf… hahaha
So, here’s where the story starts…
25th Nov 2005… (I think…)
Ninja brought his 2 lovely cousins out to Sunway Pyramid to watch his 2 lovely girl-friends (S and G) perform some cool stuns for Cheerleading… it was DAMN COOL…
Anyways, after the performance, Ninja and his 2 lovely cousins went for a walk in pyramid to window shop and hang kai lar…
Suddenly, Ninja saw someone he knew… and he shouted her name… but she didn’t answer… so Ninja thought he recognise the wrong person… but he was pretty damn sure he was right… but anyway, he didn’t carry on trying… what he did do was he took out his phone, and tried to search for her number, apparently she never had given him her number… so he was sad… and turned away…
When he got home, he went on friendster, he searched her out, and wrote her a testimonial…
The next week (I think…), she came online when he was online. He got really excited, and started chatting with her… they chatted for sometime (of course he scolded her for not hearing him shout at her in pyramid), then it got pretty late and he had to go sleep becourse his father don’t like him to sleep too late… so Ninja asked for her number and she gave it to him, so he went offline and called her after that… =)
And called her again on Saturday night… that night, he told her he was single (I think…) and she told him SHE was single… then….. the topic started to get interesting… (hahaha) Ninja started to complain that he was shy, that’s why he was single for so long… (LOL) and made her teach him how not to be shy… so, being a nice girl, she “taught” the supposedly “shy” Ninja how to kau lui, and Ninja was in control of the reign…
He cleverly twisted his words such away that she was convinced that he was REALLY a “shy” guy… (What a Joke… XD) and she just kept on teaching and teaching… so, Ninja asked her, how do you ask a girl to be your gf… and she told him, bring her to any secluded areas and bring a teddy bear or a rose, ask her there and 80% she would accept you…
Then Ninja ask her, “Sure ar?! 80% quite high wor… seriously your technique so geng wan mer?” then she say “of course!” (I think… well, it went something like that lar…). Then Ninja was thinking, I think she means “If a guy like Him would do that to me, I am 80% sure I would accept him” and started laughing to himself inside… His kau lui skills are still with him…. XD
So, Ninja asked “so where you’re going tomorrow?” and she said, “Oh, I’m going with my mother to the Mont Kiara Bazaar to meet some friends” (they go there everyweek) so Ninja asked if he could tag along, then she said SURE! Ninja was again smiling in his heart telling himself, “This gurl is mine liao… muahahhahahaha” (LOL) and sms Poon about it…
The next morning, ninja woke up really early for the first time in his life… why? Because the girl woke him up at 6.30am in the morning… and talked to him for about 30minutes… after that, he, for the first time in his life, woke his parents up to go FRIM to jog… the parents got a HUGE surprise, and Ninja was again feeling good about himself…
After the jog, they went to eat breakfast at Double One (it’s a hocker store)… after breakfast with his parents, he lied to his parents saying he’s going to see “Adrian Lim” and of course he went to see her at the bazaar… it went perfectly alright, because Ninja was pretty good with people, so her mother liked him straight away… (Ninja could tell… and of course, he was smiling in his heart) after that, they all went home to her house with her friend as well (Ann Ann, well, that’s what they called her… she’s this really cute 7 or 8 year old girl…)
They went to her room, and that’s where Ninja and S Tan, Coupled… (you know what’s the weird thing? He WAS “shy” to ask her… so guess what? No one asked, they just understood each other… hahaha)
So Ninja was officially with a 14 year-old kid… Ninja wasn’t proud of it… so he decided he won’t tell some people about it… yet… so he only told Poon and Adrian Lim… (which of course, is his closest friends…) Then Sunday night, they talked on the phone again… and S felt insecure… so she asked Ninja… “Ninja, are you playing me?” Ninja nearly fell of his bed… >.< but he calmly answered, “no, but why you ask dear?” then she said “because normally older guys like you like to play young girls’ heart like mine…” Ninja didn’t know what to say, and really wanted to slap himself for even having that intention in the first place… Ninja felt really really really bad after that… so he promised himself… “OK, even though I made a mistake, I will not play this girls heart, because it’s wrong… it’s just wrong no matter the situation… I will treat her as nicely as possible as if I really love her…”
Which so he did…
Days went pass, Ninja and S got closer and closer… and after one week later, Ninja didn’t have a slightest doubt that he made a mistake… although he DID make a mistake, but he THANKED GOD!! that S was sent to his life…
I really thank god that I’ve found S, although she’s 4 years younger than me, I think she’s much prettier, smarter, and MUCH more matured (mentally) than many other girls that are my age…
Baby, I love you… I really really really do… =)
Friday, December 09, 2005
In Memory of My Dog, MAX
| adopt your own virtual pet! |
SO CUTE RIGHT? XD U can even feed it by clicking at the box then click anywhere else, it'll jump and to get it... XD
Monday, December 05, 2005
I'M SORRY... (Something Just Came Across My Path of Life Last Weekend)
Many would object this if he tell truthfully to them, but who would truly understand him? He knows he’s not suppose to… He’s sorry, he realised it too late… but since he started it, he will follow up and follow through, he’ll be a responsible gentleman following through whatever he started, not because he REALLY wants to, but because he will not hurt anyone, he hasn’t the heart to, even though the other side of him says it’s ok…
NO it is NOT ok, I tell myself… I know I started it with the wrong intentions, but I’ll try my best to make it up. What ever it takes, though the future is undercertain… I’m sorry to all those who has a different image of me. It’s not that my image betrayed you, it’s just that this other side HAS been here a long time… before some of you even knew me… my past… lingers with some memory in it that has stained my thoughts about these things… I KNOW I’M NOT SUPPOSE TO!! But I can’t find a reason to justify why, not in this immatured mind of mine…
I’M SORRY!! I really am… my reputation with be tainted, to those who wouldn’t understand, I wouldn’t say because they are narrow minded, but they just have a different opinion of such things, different than mine… yes, I’ve seen their opinions, I’ve tried to live by them, but this just came too sudden, I know it’s better if it never happened… but now that it has, I will not turn upon my words… my word when that question was asked, my answer was noble and true… though not intended at first, I will live by my word…
I hope you’d understand, I hope this will not come in the way of our relationship, now that you know that I’m such. Now that that side of me has overwhelmed me long enough to make me make that decision. I’M SORRY! Please, I still want to be friends, I still admirer your qualities, I still love your personality. But yet, I’ve lingered too long, too lonely I’ve became, too desperate myself…
If she’s reading this, please understand… this is how I feel, I will not be dishonest to any of you... This will be the test of faith of all those who knows me… all those who are true to me… all those who love me… I’M SORRY! I really am… I can’t tell how sorry I am to have betrayed you, and her… but please, give me this chance and I will tell you I won’t fail you… as for them, it’s really up to them… I’m sorry..... As for my parents, I'm sorry, I gave you my chance, the chance it over... I still love you guys... but I'm sorry I can't be able to be totally transparent with you guys... I’m sorry… but I feel this is the best for all of us……
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Scouts
Monday, November 28, 2005
Some Blogging Stuff.. =D
Your Blog Should Be Purple |
 You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say. |
I Don't Really Like Purple... It's GAY.. >.<
Your Hidden Talent |
 You're super sensitive and easily able to understand situations. You tend to solve complex problems in a flash, without needing a lot of facts. Decision making is easy for you. You have killer intuition. The right path is always clear, and you're a bit of a visionary. |
All quite true except the last part... I Bumped Into a mistakes quite often... =(
Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating |
 You're not ready to go walking down the aisle. But you may be ready in a couple of years. You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment. And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility. |
Well... For Now I Can't Even Find Someone Right... =(
You Are A Friendly Ex |
 You and your ex are just friends - great friends really. (At least that's what you keep telling yourself!) While civility is a good thing, make sure you're not secretly wanting more... |
Err... Depends on Which Ex You're talking about... XD I got 2... haha one of them we're close enough to call friends.. the other I just started to contact again only.. haha
All American Kid |
 Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain. You were well rounded and well liked in high school. |
Not exactly... Haha, bumped into some issues the end of form5.. >.< but the rest of the years before that was pretty good.. =)
The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
Wazzup with the 2nd last part... =( i still Do have hope of happy marriages.. =) well, actually i never really thought that far yet.. ahha
Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical |
 You blog like no one else is reading... You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose. Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily. But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll! |
Wakakakakakkaka SOO TRUE!! Haha!! but i don't have many blogging friends tho... =)
You are an Atheist |
 When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that). You prefer to think about what's known and proven. You don't need religion to solve life's problems. Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy. |
YES TRUE!! but for the 1st part i'm still having a REALLY open mind bout that lar.. =)
Your Heart Is Pink |
 In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't. Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance |
Not exactly true for all lar... and i don't think i'll like the dominant type.. >.< and coy? wth is coy.. >.< and PINK is gay...
How You Are In Love |
 You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to give more than take in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard. |
Quite true... i'm taking such a long time to fall in love.. =( so long indeed...
Your Love Style is Storge |
 For you, love and friendship are almost the same thing And your love tends to be the enduring, long lasting kind (You've been known to still have connections with exes) But sometimes your love is not the most passionate Leap before you look, and you'll find that fire you crave |
Hmm.. ok ok lar this one.. =)
Your Love Number is |
2 Of all the numbers, you are the most caring and empathetic lover. Unselfish and humble, you find it easy to forgive your sweetie's mistakes. At times, your need to please can be come a bit too needy. As long as you remain somewhat independent, your relationships are perfectly balanced. |
Hmm.. well, i still got my limits tho...
You're a Freaky Kisser |
 When you kiss, you want to experience something new A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing... And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go |
wakakakkakakkakakkakakaaa.......
You Are a Dare Devil |
 For you, life is one big dare. And you're all in for any adventure. Others find you exciting, inspiring, and a bit intimidating. You're biggest challenge at this point is trying to top yourself! |
Haha quite true! =D
You Have Fantastic Karma |
 You are a kind, sensitive, and giving person. And all your good deeds will pay off - if they haven't already. But you're not so concerned with what you get in return anyway. You have an innate caring nature - and nothing can change that! |
Hope it's right.. XD
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Baby Girl
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Baby Girl
In a corner
In the dark
Sits a girl weeping
Cold and shivering
Why’s she’s crying?
No one knows…
No one cares…
And no one goes…
Confuse and sad
Seeking for warmth
Covered her face
Covered her eyes
Someone’s calling
She doesn’t hear it
Mind all blocked
Tears all over it
Why doesn’t she hear me?
Why doesn’t she see me?
Am I invisible?
Or is she getting blind…
I want to care but I can’t
It hurts bad when I’m helpless
To see a girl crying
Out of my reach, out of my boundary
My hands are tied
My heart is not
Some one needs love
I couldn’t be there
This is the worst
I am sure of it
To see someone crying
And you can’t do anything
Please baby girl
Give me a chance
Look over here
And please stop crying
I know you’re sad
I know your down
But crying all day and night
Won’t be helping at all
Let me come in
Let me care
Let me hug you
Let me kiss you
So that you’d know
There’s people who cares
Not everyone’s like him
Not everyone’s bad
I’m sure I can help
For my heart is pure
Sincere and loyal
To the ones I love and care
And you’re one of them
One of my true friends
These are what friends are for
This is how they’d react
So please baby girl
Stand up and smile
For the sun is shining
Just a few feet away
Why sit in the storm
When warmth is just there
Open your eyes baby girl
Open your heart
Come over here
And experience the light
I’ll cheer you up
I’ll be your pal
Dry up your tears
Uncover your face
I’m waiting with open arms,
An open heart and open mind
You can tell me why you’re crying
I won’t tell a soul
You can trust me
You know how much I care…
So please baby girl
Stop hurting yourself
Look around you
And you’d realize I’ve always been there…
Sunday, October 23, 2005
The Void That I Left Behind...
"Between grief and nothing I will take grief." ~ William Faulkner
Everyday I would wake up doing nothing, with this, I not only stopped myself from improving any further, but also started declining the steps of life. This stairway that everyone is climbing never ends, and what scares me most is if you are not ascending, you are declining. Numbness sets in and your feelings will be ignored by yourself. Suddenly, you don’t feel sad, angry, happy, loved, hated, jealousy, joy, or any other feelings.
Everyday would be the same to you, the people that talks to you, walks pass you, touches you or gives you something will not matter. Because the very next minute, you will forget about what happen and just carry on living for the sake of living. No purpose, no reason, no goals.
Grief if you have to, moan for your losses, feel sorrowful for yourself being the victim of misfortunes. Let the it torment you in your dreams. For at least, you are intact with your feelings, as your misery sets in, the storm will be over and joy will come again. As the gloomy nights passes, you will feel that you don’t want to continue this life style. And sooner or later, changes will come for your mind will not want to suffer any longer and will automatically turn around.
But if you do nothing, nothing will change. Nothing will come, nothing will pass. And what ever you did before will continue to crumble away in time. Our spirits will decay and our pride will be lost. They say that ego is the most dangerous enemy of mankind but without it, we will not even have the urge to continue with life. What made the world today? It is because men persisted to surpass themselves. The ego in them drove them on. Without it, we will lay useless and waste away our lives.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Guess who's back? =P
Sorry to all that I’ve not been in touch with, these few months for me have been truly different. Sarah, wey yiing, shern, and all my net friends and all, really sorry I’ve not been coming online to chat with you guys, and my blog’s been dead for more then half a year now… I think I’m going to revive it and have a good start again… =)
I realized how much I’ve change over the months. I look back at the things I’ve done. Yes, I admit I made a mistake. Allot of mistakes… and the greatest mistake that kept me down for so long was ignorance. When I was falling I told myself, “I WILL NOT LOOK DOWN ON MY PAST SELF”. A part of me still thought the old me was perfect. And I predicted everything that would happen. It’s hard to explain, even to myself.
When I was down, I thought about how I would go on living like this. I thought about how the Old Me will think of what I am now. I thought about why I should not come to a conclusion of my mistake. Because I still believe I had not done any mistakes. No matter how much I’ve said on the outside that I’m wrong… deep in me the ignorance still stand strong.
After going through really tough times, I could never have imagined I could go so low when nothing really went wrong on the outside. I wasn’t having a relationship problem, my parents were fine, no financial problem…… fine, maybe there was one problem, a problem that I still find it hard to reveal even to myself. It’s shameful, it’s embarrassing, it’s something I thought I’ll never have problems with. My social life.
I have to admit this to myself. My pride has been my enemy all these while… Ninja will never have No Friends. Ninja will never turn to the “lesser” for social activities (lesser meaning people I don’t really respect). I’ve use to look down on some people, I think they will feel it too if I mix around with them more. Yes, I look down on quite allot of people. To those who felt it, I’m sorry…
Because these few months, I’ve learnt to respect allot of people, how they manage to cling on to life even when they’re not doing so well. Cause honestly, I really feel like life is a total bitch even when things aren’t really that bad.
Throughout that period allot of nice people held me on, Adrian, even though he’s in Singapore but he still makes an effort to sms me once in a while. Siang Siang, when she said I was her friend I was like… I really felt really happy, Lol, I that was how down I was feeling that time. I can’t believe it myself, I felt I could be myself in front of Sandra Gwyneth too, really had a lot of fun going out on Wednesdays like that. =) I never really like Poon’s attitude cause of his pride and all, but still I really respect how he treats his friends lar… really nice guy… Adrain Tan who kept me involved in scouts…
There are so many others like bryan, chin yeow, ivan, alex, sabrina, steph, tah lun, sherreen, emily, anthea, my aunts, parents. Thanks for the friendly remarks, jokes and all that kept me in touch with my social life. (This thanking everyone thing really humbles you down allot, you should try it… ;)
Sunday, April 10, 2005
The Little Bird
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The Little Bird
I have a little story
About a little bird
Who lives in the vast sky
Where all possibilities occur
The bird loved the sky
Where she spent her happiest times
Exploring the heavens above
Enjoying the beauty of lands below
Free as the sky could offer
As high as she could soar
Open to all things
The little bird didn’t know before
A strike from the back
From the pure blue sky
It all came so sudden
She felt she was going to die
As she fell to the ground
As hard as she could hit
As wounded as she ever could be
She survived and started to crawl
No more did she dare take flight
For it hurt her far too bad
For ages she suffered
Hardly able to survive
Never looking up again
She lived on the ground
Little did she ever remember
The happiness she had in the sky
The best times she always had
The endless happiest moments
The feeling of forever being loved
When she was in the sky
One day she looked up
She heard some birds fly past
The birds she used to be with
The memories she had left to rust
A song the birds were singing
Touched the little heart of the bird
Who fell and remained scarred
And this is the song she heard:
“A few times I have fallen
(The first was the worst)
But I’ve always remembered them
As the best times of my life
Despite the times I fell so fast
Despite the times I hit so hard
Despite the times I crawled so low
Despite the wounds that hurt so bad
I’ve always flown up again
Understanding better
Enjoying the sky like never before
Loving it more then ever
The times I am up here
I remember the times I fell
Grateful that I’m up soaring
Far from where I was crawling”
At this the bird woke up
And started to understand
The scars were never there
It was just a nightmare
Letting the fall scared her
Till she blinded herself from the times
When she was up above
Higher than paradise
She pulled herself upright
And stared hard at the sky
Trusting it one more time
She raised her wings up high
Her tiny feet left the ground
As her wings hit the wind
As hard as she knew it would be
But never did she give in
With all her little might
She hit it one more time
With all her courage and effort
She made it to the sky
Once more she was soaring
Through the heavens up above
Once more she was home
In the skies she had always loved
The scars that were on her
Had all disappeared
The time she believed in herself
Was the time she was freed from all fears
She joined the birds who sang
Inspiring her to try her wings
Together they enjoyed the winds
That blew her tears all dry
This is where my story ends
About the little bird
The beauty of life is always there
It’s where you look that matters
Saturday, February 19, 2005
A Last Song, Dedicated to my Love Ones (History)
My blog will be shut down for awhile... I'm sorry it had to end like this....
----------------------------------------------------
Perfect
by Simple Plan
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm all right
And you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Friday, February 18, 2005
The Change in Me (History)
A new Ninja is born from the ashes that were burnt by his parents. Yes, I was burned inside. Deeply in the depths of my heart. The up coming of this new Ninja will succeed. He will, he must. I was told to change by my brother, parents and my relatives. Saying this Ninja is too cocky and over confident. It’s sad they couldn’t see through me and times up. I can not take this torture anymore of not having anyone to understand me from deep within.
Like all humans, I have layers. For this New Year’s resolution. I told myself to combine the two layers, so I will not ever have to play two face every again. But I was greatly defied. Not by my enemies. But my very own love ones. No one could understand the change and they all thought it’s a bad thing.
When they see it’s a bad thing. They try to change me back. I tried again and again shouting my lungs out that this will do well in the future. But no one was listening. No one at all.
So it’s time to face the fact of this cruel unreasonable, unfair world. No one can survive it by being purely sincere. At least I’m not strong enough to do that yet. Not at this age, not in this situation. The Diamond Cutter is a good book no doubt. But can’t be practiced by a teenager. For their parents feel threatened by the sudden change in them.
As a teenager get happier and happier enjoying their life. Somehow, people around them will be against them. Opposing them, not letting them to be too happy. It this right? I mean when you see someone happy, I understand its human nature to pull that guy back to your status. It’s weird why humans react that way, when someone’s happy and their not, they will make them unhappy so they will feel happier.
Does my reader understand my pain? My own very parents, when I’m happy and their not, makes me unhappy so they feel happier is this world. Is this right? Tell me. Why, of all people my own very parents.
I was devastated this morning. When I realize even after my dad “forgave” me last night, he still kept grudges against me. I send him a sms telling him to read my blog, and he replied with harsh words. Harsh words I never seen coming out from him before. And he cut all the way in.
I was lost, confused and totally did not understand his actions. That is when I realize what I’m doing now is wrong. This post will only be on for a few hours for I don’t want my parents reading this. And I might even shut my whole blog down for I do not feel my parents are supporting me fully in everything I do. Until then, I’ll carry on with my book writing.
In the mean time, I will back off in to my cave of myself. I must say I am difficult to understand but I do expect my parents to at least try. Can’t they even do that? Instead of refusing to believe the obvious that I am not normal. I can see in them, everyday they wish me to be just a normal kid but I refuse. I totally refuse.
I feel that I can do much better in this world being abnormal. And if my parents refuses to understand this fact. Oh believe me, I have tried many times to try to make them understand but I failed. I don’t know which part I did wrong but I failed.
So now I will be normal in their eyes. So normal that they’d never understand the Ninja within me EVER again. I’m giving up, its way to hurtful and time consuming to make an old folk believe in a miracle.
My parents keep telling me over and over again that they both combine it would be more then 100 years old and they experience FAR exceeds mine. They do not believe in my theory of reincarnation. For what’s 100 years if I have live just one extra life then them?
This theory can be crap to some but I believe it. For many things I do I feel I’ve done it before, many books I read I feel I read it before. So if they refuse to take this into their mind and continue to be stubborn, I’m far too young and unwise to do anything for now.
Maybe later, much later after I am successful and gain my parents totally respect I’ll again try to explain to them that they had been wrong about me. So wrong that they no longer support me in my life but became a burden that I have to carry on my shoulders. I cannot bare it any longer. I can not.
A Night to Remember (History)
An important event happened in my life, I’ve repeated history with a little twist. The twist is this time, my dad was the victim instead of my mom, and my mom was the peacemaker. I will not say what happened the last time for that’s not important anymore. The past is forgotten and the present remains. And here’s the story.
I’m in my room right now, typing this out, I’ve never experienced this before and it feels a little weird. My parents never allowed a computer in my room. They didn’t allow it now either but something happened. Another “magical” moment if you want to put it that way.
If you have read my past post “My Mother’s Birthday” something similar to this happened as well, but this is much bigger than that. Something unexpected happened, and I again learnt something new.
It was a normal Thursday, just that I was a little sick this morning and went to class late. For I badly needed that 2 hours of sleep. So the day went on as normal and nothing really interesting happen unless you count in the little fight my pet sis had with another friend of mine. Haha, if she reads this she would scold me. Anyways, the story started after dinner.
It was a good dinner I had to admit, long time since I had a good dinner at home. My father’s friend was over and he went back early looking at the situation getting from bad to worst.
It started of with a small argument, it always does. I was playing DOTA online and my father reminded me that I had college tomorrow. I have to agree that I was at fault for I should have agreed a game with my friend that hour because my dad wasn’t in too good a mood.
We started to fight, and I said I’ll stop my game around 9.30-10pm. So he went up stairs for awhile. He came down at 9.30pm and told me to stop within 2 minutes and I said I can’t possibly finish it by then. He didn’t care, after 2 minutes, he came up to my computer and “click” it was off.
I got emotional and started saying things that I can’t really recall, after that; I slammed the door real hard and walked upstairs. After that I thought, shit, this is going to be quite big for I never had dared to challenge my dad before. And I thought the worst thing he could do is ground me and take my computer away like what he did last time.
So I went downstairs and calmly took my computer up one part by one part thinking he’ll stop me and we’ll have to talk it over. But he did not; he just sat there, reminding me over and over again that I’m acting stupid.
So after all was up, I was thinking, “Geez, this IS going to be big, I’d better get ready to stay here for at least a day. So I took water, food and still he did not stop me. My main objective was to make him talk to me. But somehow, he just refused and sat down there.
So I took his car keys, then went to the save and even took the spare key, thinking worst come to worst he has to talk to me tomorrow morning or he can’t go to work. Because I even took my mother’s car key. I didn’t dare take his wallet simply because it might get out of hand if he reports to the police.
Of cause I didn’t show him I took his car keys but after all that, I went back to the room, and said that I might not be seeing him awhile and hoped that he then will talk to me. But still no effect. At that juncture, I went upstairs and meditated for awhile. Then I realized that I don’t have time to do all these crap because I need to go to college tomorrow to settle some LEO stuff and I didn’t really want to miss any lessons anyway.
So I decided to go down and talk to him since he totally refuses to talk to me. And there that very time, I felt a strange feeling. I really don’t know how to describe it, but somehow, I don’t know how, I started to “act adult” (according to him). I reasoned with him and trust me; it did not start out good.
He was as stubborn as erm, me actually, but after awhile he was talking sense again. We had a great conversation and somehow, I don’t know how, I apologized. I really can’t remember how it happened but before that, I told him that I will not apologize this time.
Then the conversation got really interesting, I found out that my dad’s an extremist (my definition = he WILL go to the extreme if necessary). I said if I were to steal his car like what I did to my mom’s car in the past, what he would do. He simply said that he would just call the police up and make a report of a stolen car. I was terrified by his thought of that.
I mean I really wouldn’t think it was such a big thing and it can be settle within the family. But he was willing to give up his dignity and reputation as a loving father and just dump me to the law. Then I asked what if he was to slap me and we end up fighting for REAL what would he do. He just said that he would corner me, and BASH me up for real, but after awhile he denied and said that he would bash me up to that extend. But that doesn’t matter; the fact is he actually had that thought in his mind.
All these horrified me totally, I never knew my dad would go to that extreme end, I knew he would do some really crazy things if he’s raging mad, but I never expected him to really turn against his own son.
After all that horrifying things that came out his mouth, something caught me. I suddenly realize that despite all those thoughts, he controlled himself well enough to not do it. Despite I slammed the door REAL loud and offered a challenge, he sat down there calmly and did not do anything.
Despite that he knew I was preparing for the worst, he just sat there reminding me over and over again it’s not worth it. Of cause my mother was doing it too, I hear them, but I wasn’t listening.
After all that, he said something that I’ll remember for life. He said, “When your angry, the best thing to do is sit down, take a deep breath and let things be.” That was what he did, despite all those thought in his head, he ignored them. Thank GOD he did anyway, I mean if that really happen it’s going to affect not just my life, but my entire family’s life including my aunts, uncles, cousins, and even my friends.
For I am respected by people around me, and if I fail to keep that up, I will indirectly disappoint them in a way. One person that will confront me if that ever happened is Adrian, both the Adrian Lim AND Tan me actually, for they are nice people. And if they come to know about it, they would definitely try their best to help. Not to mention my other friends like Wey Yiing and friends.
But thank god again, he did not do it. That totally smacked me hard on the face and made me wake up. My dad IS a great man and deserves all the respect in the world if I could gather it all and put it in a box. I love him lots just like I love my mom, my brother, my relatives and all my friends.
I know they care for me and would always try their best to make my life better even if by just a little. This is another night to remember and I’ll take this chance to say to all that know me well, I love you guys allot. And I am really really really grateful to those who have helped make my life happier, Jureen who did me a huge favor, Jacq that supported me like a sister. Recently, it would be Sher Reen, Sammy, and those who helped me out in my newly established LEO Club it has always been my dream to create a club of my own ever since I knew it was possible. I thank you guys lots and I really don’t know how to repay you guys. So please tell me how and I’ll try my best. Thanks to all, including my readers who bothered to leave a comment or even took the time to read this whole thing.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Friends (History)
Since I’ve been talking bad about DJ a little too much, I’ll talk about it’s good points lar… =) one of them is, the people there are VERY smart… well, at least the smart one’s are… haha, people like Andrew, Adrian Lim, Rachel, Amanda and not to forget Wey Yiing (from my class 2004) were all my inspiration to study harder… I’m glad that there were in my class, guiding me while I go, indirectly bugging me to do my homework and get serious about my studies. The teachers DJ had were all very caring, special thanks to Pn. Sally (my accounts teacher), Pn Shasha, Pn Cecilia (gave me hell of a shit but yeah, I thank her too), Mr Chia, Pn Chooi, Pn Chen and Pn Hamizan. They were all very nice people and care about their students allot.
I have a list of people I have to thank after I get my SPM results. And most of these people are from DJ. Most people know DJ as a place where chiqs are born. But nah, I believe there are allot of chiqs that aren’t just chiqs. They have a special quality in each one of them and you’ll know what I mean if you get close enough to one of them. They maybe pretty looking and all on the outside but once you look inside them, you’d know what I mean.
Of cause there’s a few rotten apples among these chiqs and if you accidentally bite into one of them, well, that’s your luck lar… haha, cause I bit into two of them actually… >.<>
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Spiritualism
A way of life then I named it myself. If you search it up the net and all, you’ll find that the definition isn’t a kind of way of life. This is what it means in Oxford dictionary (edited and shortened).
Spiritualism
1. The belief that the spirits of the dead can communicate with the living, esp. through mediums.
2. Philos. the doctrine that the spirit exists as distinct from matter or that spirit is the only reality (cf. materialism).
But my definition of it will be what I’m going to write out for today. (A favor to ask from all my readers, PLEASE write a comment on what you think about it, it’s very important for me to get other’s opinion for my knowledge is VERY limited as I’m only 18 this year. Allot of things are yet to come and yet to learn. And I hope to accelerate my learning progress by listening to other’s advises)
Yes, I came out with this word myself, unaware of its presents in the dictionaries. Early this morning, 3.40am, 2/2/05 (Wednesday) I finally had the answers to my questions. Not all yet, but at least most of it. This was after the chat with Mrs. Farah (Yes, Faisal’s mother… LOL, I met her online using Faisal’s msn account. She couldn’t sleep too, and was waiting for the football match).
I went up tired and worried that I couldn’t wake up in the morning. So I turned on the air-con (edited from "air-conditioner" because it has a link to some lame brand that we Malaysians don’t know and I would rather not have it on my blog… -_-”) and prepared myself for bed. At that juncture, I was thinking about my life, as usual, thinking about all those religions my friends has, wondering is there really god, or is there like 1000 gods like the Hindus. Or maybe there isn’t anyone up there just like what the free thinkers have in mind. Or maybe there’s another religion out there that suits me perfectly.
After like 10 minutes or so thinking about it (while practicing my song… LOL [read the previous post]) I finally came to a conclusion. A very vague one but it’s what I believe for now. And I will hold on to it like how my other friend hold on to their religions, but some things differ this “religion” from others.
First of all, I don’t call it a religion, but a way of life that one practices. It doesn’t have a god to worship, but a companion that can be trusted and respected. It doesn’t have any points that go against any others but symbiotically merges with all other religions. It doesn’t have a statue to prey upon but a mirror to look at you and pray for yourself. And the list goes on. At this, I wish for my readers to contact me if they’re serious about adapting this new way of life I discovered if it interested you or had grabbed your attention some how.
Yes, I believe there’s a higher form of being that created every single one of us. Call it God, call it Jesus, or call it Allah. That does not matter to me for to me, it’s just there and it can’t be described by our normal language. But what I think best describes it is a Guardian Angel. You can say I believe everyone of us has a Guardian Angel that talks to us, give us mini signs that he/she exist, communicates with us at very special moments. And makes us feel its presents hoping that you, one day would realize it exist since you were born, before you were born, and the lives u had before this one.
He/she has always been waiting for you to accept him/her into your life. He/she has been patient for years and years or even centuries! Until finally one day, one of his fellow friend, accepts him (I believe in reincarnation, so before this life we are having, we had actually lived many lives. And we are known to be companions to these fellow “Guardian Angels” that created us, over and over again, hoping that one day you’ll realize its existents. Or become one with them.) .
Accepting him/her is one thing, being one with them is another, if my knowledge does not defy me, Christians believe that they have to accept God’s presents before there are accepted in heaven. This is totally sensible to me; the phrase “accepted in heaven” is metaphoric to me. Accepted in heaven is interpreted by me as “will die in peace and his soul will be reincarnated to a better being and live happily in his next life”.
This whole concept has its own metaphor. What I believe for now is that every one of us is destined to do good, to help others, to “save the world from evil”. In what ever way you say it, the general term is “to help others in need of help and not create any harm of any sort to any beings unintentionally” I believe this is the universal term that can be applied to all religions and beliefs. No matter how bad a person is, I believe, he was never born that way. His core was meant to do good. It’s just that he lost it. Confused in his own world, waiting for someone to enlighten him. And if he doesn’t find one in this life time, he will not “be accepted in heaven” and “goes to hell” (I rather interpret it as reincarnated into a lower being, like a dog, cat or even a bird.). But this doesn’t mean he’ll be sad, angry and confused all this life. There are still chances that he will find happiness, just that he needs to try harder then others.
I believe that all of us have the chance of finding happiness in this world no matter what we are. A dog? Or even a worm. There are happy dogs around, so are sad dogs… worms are harder to tell whether it’s happy or not simply because it shows no expressions. But take for example, an ant. Some ants when u stomp your feet in front of it, it will run for its life. Afraid of losing its life, but some, it will just simply touch you with its antennae then either work over your leg or around it. This is what I call a happy ant, innocent and pure, sometimes stupid. But at least it’s content with what he has, and not afraid of losing anything at all.
That early morning, my Guardian Angel gave me another sign that he/she exists. And this time, I caught it. I can’t explain in words what the sign was, or how I did it, it’s just there. I saw it, and I felt him/she beside me, above me, in me. Looking at me, guarding me like a tombstone to a grave. Not that I like that description too well… LOL yeah… that’s the best I can do. And I named it Lucy. Well, I don’t know whether it’s a girl or a guy, but he/she kind of told me he/she wanted that name. You can say I made it up, or it was just a random thought. But after that night, I will never again believe in coincidence. Random thoughts have their reasons to it. And coincidences are never randomized. I believe these things don’t happen naturally, but it happened for a reason. And it’s ALWAYS a good one, planed by our “Guardian Angels”.
I’m glad that Lucy finally decides that I’m mature enough to let me feel his/her presents and from this day on, I will try my best to understand him/her, him/her objectives, him/her reasons why he made me, or even why he/she does the things he/she does. And hopefully someday be One with them. I realized that many religions actually talks about being One with God himself as well. I forgot which religion, but I do remember reading in my history text or revision books saying that some religions’ Kings are One with the God.
That night, is a night to remember… 2/2/05 was the day I accepted my “Guardian Angel” acknowledging his/her presents and will try my best to make him/her proud and not fail him in any way. I trust he/she will guide me true my life and never let me down too. That night is an important night in my life and I will remember it for the rest of my life. From today on I’ll do as much research as I can in this “Spirit That Created Me” and hopefully publish a book on it someday, but before that, I need to find out more about other people’s opinion of this and I will accept which ever advise or suggestions that are given to me sincerely. As I said before, my knowledge is VERY limited as I am still only 18 years old. I hope my readers understand what I’m trying to express here and would certainly be grateful if they contact me personally. I’ll stop here for now but do check this blog every now and then for I do update it pretty often. Lastly, I hope my readers enjoyed reading my blog this time for I have complains telling me to write in lines… LOL yeah, so this is what I did this time… hope its better… =)
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Circle of Friends (History)
A Post no to be proud of...
Everyday I meet my friends, of cause I do, because they are all around my life. But what I do have is my circle of special friends. My definition of “special” means friends that I think are nice people. I got plenty of friends which I think isn’t nice people; I still consider them friends because I treat them best I can. And most of the time, they wouldn’t know. Nor would I bitch about them everywhere I go and that I would do it in front of people I know that are mature enough or insist to know.
Everyday, people walk in and out of this circle simply because everyday I know my friends better and better. Their true colors shines more brightly as you hang out with them more often so my opinion of them changes every now and then. What I’m trying to say is that I have all lot of friends that I don’t like. To be honest, I think my ex-school have allot of people that don’t deserve to be in my circle. I would say out of 10 people I know from my old school, hardly 3 to 4 is in my circle. The rest gets a 4 and below if I rate their personality from 1-10. Yes, that’s how bad my school is. Only after I left it, I realize that DJian’s aren’t to nice people after all. Can’t believe I’m actually saying this but that’s what I’ve observed these 3 weeks of my college life, the life I’m experiencing out of DJ is so different. Can’t believe how much I was blinded to see there are actually so many other nice people out there to hang out with then just that old bunch of DOTA-ers. And these people that I’m with now in HELP INT. (DUians, CHSians and Cempakens) they are wonderful people, especially the DUians, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, after 3 years knowing them now (since OBS 2002 YAC 16, and OBS CAC 56 when they were in a tailor made course), I still think they are great people. 2004’s form 5’s were so united and their friendship so strong that it actually touches me. Often I wonder why DJians be more like DUians. Look, I don’t care what results these schools produce. I don’t care about their academic achievements. What I care is the people inside… their level of maturity, their level of understanding and tolerance. All these values are MUCH more important then what results a school can produce! It’s saddening these are what the government and the administration of the school cares. How many as can their student score in SPM, PMR and blah blah blah. To me, I don’t freaking care how many As one score, if that person is socially outcasted by his friends like many other, I don’t think he was happy in that school. Some people in my school as I observed, is a loner. They go to school for only one purpose… to study… and they are so focused that they forsaken their social life. During PJKs, while we all go and have fun playing football and basket ball, they rather sit at the pavilion doing their homework. I’m sure this happens in all schools. Ask yourself this, are you the type of person that would go up to them and ask why not they join in? Or just leave them to do what they like… be honest with yourself… most of us would just ignore their presents. Well, I was like that too, but if now, I see a person sitting there alone and I’m with this big bunch of friends chatting away. I WILL go up to him and ask him to join us. Because I understand how they feel and they haven got over their shyness yet. It takes quite lot of guts to go true that stage if you know what I mean. And people, who have gone over it, should help others as much as they can. How many schoolmates of yours would do that? In my school, I would say 1 in a 50… YES… that’s how bad I think my school is. And I think that DUians would be around 1 in a 20? Bleh, I may be wrong but that’s my impression of them. Haha, enough of promoting SMKDU and back to the title… as you can guess, I’ve put allot of DUians in my friendship circle with or without them knowing. And if my other friends are aware enough, I would give sufficient hints that they are not welcomed in my circle. And I think this is very important. As most of my friends know, I’m starting a LEO club in HELP INT. and I really need all the support I can get from the friends I have in this circle. And whoever’s out of it, please note that you’re not welcomed anyway, for I don’t want any hypocrites in my club. I can see who’s sincere in helping out and who’s not… I’m not blind as I was anymore. At this juncture, I thank my readers for bearing with my bad grammar and spelling and paragraphing of this blog because I do know it’s a sore to the eyes to read such a long entry. And again I remind all of you, comments from anyone who’s sincere in their words are always welcome. Make yourself at home and type whatever you want in the chat box… =)
People
Why is it a culture to judge people according to their mistakes? Why people take into accounts the flaws you have yet abandon the sides of you which shines? All these things are creating barricades among social groups once you’re unaware of the emotions that’s going on in you, you show your imperfection, and there goes your reputation. No matter how many other qualities you have good or bad.
This leads to social discrimination, your considered inferior to those who just saw your imperfection. Well, I will not touch on that topic for now, but I do want to emphasize on how people react to these things. In my opinion, a mature person will always leave his or her mind opened to any subjects. But what normal people would do is when they see something bad in oneself, they end the topic with a conclusion - that this person is bad.
This is a common habit which one always makes. Not knowing no matter how bad that person is, there are good qualities in him or her that deserves respect. For example, Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), Hitler converted Germany into a fully militarized society and launched World War II in 1939. He instituted sterilization and euthanasia measures to enforce his idea of racial purity among German people and caused the slaughter of 6 million Jews, Sinti and Roma (Gypsies), Slavic peoples, and many others, all of whom he considered inferior.
Every one of us thinks he’s the worst person on earth. Little did we know he’s actually one of the greatest dictators in the 20th century? His words managed to convince millions to worship him. He’s public speaking skills well exceeds all other politicians. For that, I respect him. Not that we should worship him or anything, but if we push aside all those mindless killings and warmongering. He will be considered one of the greatest men on earth.
If only he used his talent for good, if only he used it to make the world a better place and not just “cleanse” everyone that is inferior. Osama bin Laden (1957- ), he freaking created a religion of his own! Despite all the bombings and all, I think he’s a great man. At this, many of my reader may be well disturbed, but this is my opinion, and it’s not bound to satisfy you. I’m not saying he’s a good hearted man, but a great man can be evil as well. Like the Bible, well, not that I know allot about it. But I think Lucifer is a VERY talented angel. He’s only mistake, to go against god. I hope my point is made.
Many of us follow the road everyone takes without thinking why. Our parents, friends and relatives says tells us “don’t watch porn. It’s bad.” or some of them bother to explain a little but only a little because they think we are too “young” to understand. Now tell me, who determines who is “young” and who’s not. Who standardized the whole “under 18” thingy? Tell me, WHO? The government, I’m not saying it’s wrong to do that, but I’m saying that may be applied to most people, BUT NOT ALL.
Whether one’s mature enough to understand the circumstances of adultery or watching theses things isn’t just decided by age, it’s decided by one’s mantle background. Whether he or she was brought up in away to mature mentally faster then others or not. And YES, I’m indirectly putting the blame on parents. A person matures according to how one’s family treats him or her. Their parents should not have a mantle blockage saying “oh your not 18, that’s why you should watch porn or smoke.” That is actually VERY BAD. Simply because when that little child is 18, he would think that I’M FINNALLY 18! I CAN DO ALL THOSE BAD THINGS! Well, NO… in my opinion.
We should never touch cigarettes nor alcohols or of any such. Porn? I got a totally different opinion on that and why one should only be exposed to that at a later age and will discuss it later… when our parents tell us to do something, we should always pop the annoying but beneficial question – WHY. A parent should know better then to just say “don’t ask why, just do it.” But take the time AND effort to slowly explain to the child. It’s annoying sometimes when little kids keep asking why when you ignore them; I’ve experienced it personally myself. But if you really care for the child answer them as polite as possible. And if they keep going on with “whys” (I’ve personally experienced this myself too, as we know that why is special in it’s way that is CAN go on forever) just say politely say I’ll tell you later, I’m busy.
I’m not going to go on and tell you what if he asks another why because it WILL be never-ending. But what ever you do, do not discourage that child to stop asking questions. If that child is your sibling, better still, say “go ask your mom” it’s very effective. As for us, when an adult tells us something is wrong and we shouldn’t do it, we should ask the magical question too, why. And if explained, then better. Go study on it, and then only form our own opinion.
Same goes to the social groups we have in college or schools, some girl goes around bitching about another guy. Instead of just listen to her talk bad about him, we should ask why. And it don’t just stop there, because her opinion may be incorrect. So after we listened to her, if we are really concern, we should go find out more. Consult that guy’s close friends, ask about him. Then most probably we will find out that there was a misunderstanding. I can assure you this, when ever one is talking bad about another, 80% or more of the time, misunderstands are the cause of it.
Assumptions, is what our biggest mistakes. If we break the work down, assume = ass-u-me. Meaning when we assume, we make an ass of you and me. Interesting huh? Who ever came out with this word… for those who have a different opinion on what ever was discussed earlier, I would like to know it for my knowledge is limited to such and I’m considered unwise to some. For those who agree, I hope this opens your mind to a whole new world of differences.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Mum's Birthday (History)
After filling our stomach, we started talking about me… and erm.. well it didn’t start too well, cause like all parents, they’ll dig up how lazy I’ve been lately, college started and I haven really studied and blah blah blah… I’m sure I don’t need to describe it in detail. Suddenly, I decided to take a different approach. Instead of nodding and wishing it to end asap, I started to argue my points. I was getting fed up.
Amazingly, they took it calmly this time and did not say things like “don’t you dare talk like this to your parents” they actually started listening! I’m sure this isn’t normal for all teenagers. Our opinions are always taken as rebellious acts against our parents. But this time, they listened. I explained why I was playing computer.
Well, I have to admit this reason may not be the most valid one, I said if I were to just study everyday and do homework and all, when I get together with my friends, they would be like “hey ninja, do you want to play DOTA (a kind of warcraft 3 game) later?” and I would be like “er no, my parents wouldn’t let me” and after awhile, my friends will start neglecting me and I would be a outcast, a loner, someone who doesn’t know how to have fun, someone that has “no life”.
Common, we all have our interest and hobbies. They may not be the best hobbies but at least it’s something we can talk about in groups and laugh about. Well, not that I do play DOTA nowadays that much cause of several reasons. But I do miss those days when I can get together with my friends and just start talking bout it. Like “eh you remember that day we tapaued Sean they all within 26mins ar? Haha it was damn geng k, I used my lich and you were the Anti-Mage. Muahaha..” this conversations can go on forever. And to me, it’s important to have this kind of relationships with friends. These memories last forever. They really do.
But oh well, if you have read my other blog “My Past” erm.. well, I was boycott by that group of friends lar… so guess those days were over… erm… ok… back to “My Mom’s Birthday” haha… I’m like so off topic… LOL anyways, yeah. My parents actually started to look at things my way. Amazingly, this time, my mom was the 1st to agree with me. Normally, it would be my dad. Well, generally speaking, most moms are erm… less “cool”… haha… I’m sure u guys gotta agree with me… and yeah… after that, we had a walk around that place and my mom said it was the happiest day of her life.
This really invoked my thought. What I mean is, we didn’t buy her anything, I even erm… well, forgot to make her a card… but all I did was to clarify my thoughts and have a mutual understanding with my parents. She was really touched by this, how all this time I had these thoughts in my mind without letting them out. She was really happy, so was my dad, and of cause I was really happy too. I willingly gave her a kiss and she gave me one to. For the 1st time in my life, we had a meaningful family hug. Well too bad my brother couldn’t join us. He’s in USA… haha…
I hope readers of my blog do consider repairing their broken relationships with their parents. Or if it was never broken, appreciate them and tell them you love them every week at least? Yeah, I really appreciate my parents and I do love them a lot. Even before this, I always thank god how lucky I am to be placed in this family. Because my aunts and uncles, cousins, and even cousin’s cousins are all VERY nice people. Anytime if I’m having problems with my family or friends. I can call any of them up and they would be more then willing to help. Of cause not forgetting my always supporting brother in USA which taught me how to “fake smoke” when under pressure of friends… haha, but I never really used it lar… what’s fake smoke? Erm… ask him… haha… he personally gave a lesson to me, and 2 other cousins of mine… k lar, I’ll end here.
Lastly, I would like to say out loud that I really love my family and all true friends that I had over the years. Some I’ve lost contact, I’m really sorry bout that, but those who are still with me, I treasure every single memory I had with you guys.
