Pride

Pride is something I've struggled with for years. On one hand, my idol, Vegeta is full of the Saiyan Pride as the last prince of Saiyan. He strives to achieve greatness through extreme training and to me, he should get what he deserves when you put your 100%. Unfortunately, the author often humiliates him, puts him down, and places him second to Goku. While I understand why this is how the story unfolds (the usual "for love and the protection of others, instead of the love of self"), Vegeta's journey of pride still saddens me whenever I think of it.

According to Dante, Pride is the worst of the Seven Deadly Sins and defines it as "love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbour". It was the original sin that turned Satan against God. It was Pride that  turned Angels into Devils. It was Pride that led Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit. It was Pride that led to the fall of empires like Rome and Shogunate of the Edo-era. It's effect on humanity is clear.

However, of the Seven Deadly Sins, Pride is the only one with a virtuous side. In a good sense it means having a feeling of self-respect. We can be proud of something good that we've done. We might be proud of our son or daughter or husband or wife or anyone else who is close to us and who has done something good. And here's where it comes to a conundrum.

As I was searching online, I came across this quote:

"Pride is a demonstration to others - dignity doesn’t need to demonstrate to others to exist." ~ Peter Quodling

Dignity doesn’t require comparing ourselves to others. If we have done a good job, we feel grateful, not superior. If we keep ourselves well, we appreciate our commitment to our health and the good feeling it gives us. But we don’t feel better than those who can’t find the time, money, or circumstances to keep themselves well. I think the main difference is that true dignity bespeaks a generosity to share what we have with others. Pride is a commodity that we hoard for ourselves. Dignity contains a humility and gratitude that invites people toward us. Pride often exudes an arrogance and egotism that repels people.

Yet, alone I am.

Consciously and unconsciously, I admit I do push some people away in my life. For better for worse, some people have also pushed me away from their lives. The question is, why?