Saturday, December 30, 2006

Random Post 101

Lies ARE the currency of the world, I’ve been in that trade world before, I was all out for disguise, to pretend, to have a mask in front of me, to manipulate, to be in control... “The more knowledge you have over me, the more power you have over me” was the words of Shern Ren, back in form 2-3 I can hardly remember... but that struck me, and from then on (maybe sooner, not sure) I was having a mask in front of me, I was the sole guardian of my true self, none other knew me...

I solved my own problems, I helped others out, I was the guy who girls call up when they had problems... but I was alone... (I stopped here the other day and I’m too lazy to continue writing on this... >,<)

Well, day 2 of me loving her so immensely:-
I feel that she’s the one... and I can go on to how great her personality is and blah blah blah, but I feel that everyone that has gone through this situation will know how it’s like and there’s not much point for me to bleb about that here... rather, I’d like to share my experience on this in a different perspective...

As a grown up (well I’m 19 going on 20 in just a few days so I’m as grown up as I can be now... I guess... don’t think that made sense... >,<), I’ve been through this kindda situations 3 times... (well, basically I have 3 ex...) the last one was last year, around the same time (December holidays)... I kind of forgot how it would feel like, u know, these kindda feelings, thinking about her every second of my life (well, not really but it sure seems like it...), thinking how happy I’d be if we were together, how I’d take care of her, how I’d do anything for her, how I’d sacrifice myself for her, how I’d love her most importantly... if only she was mine (well, I don’t mean my property or anything like that [incase those women out there reads this] but I don’t know how to put it in simple and few words)... but sadly, life’s almost never the way you want it...

She says she’s confused on where her heart belongs... and well, it was never with me (never as in never had... >,< hopefully this doesn’t last too long...)

Thinking back, I wasn’t very successful with girls through out my life actually... I didn’t get my first crush, nor did I get my second (when I say crush I mean major ones like I think about her 24/7 for at least a few months), nor my third, nor my forth... only my fifth, I got with her... and that also she dumped me after hardly a week...

Sad huh, my love life... I had girls who liked me, but never enough for me to like them back, or rather, well, honestly, I only am sure about 3 girls who liked me in the past... the rest either there were none other or they were just too shy... not sure.. >.<

Among the girls who liked me, only the first one I think I had a chance... but that was back in primary school, and you know... I don’t know about these things... and I didn’t do anything, I even pretended not to know... so... >,<

The second was just... erm... I rather skip this incase she reads this... same goes for the third... >,< sorry!

So yea, if this is a trend, out of the girls I admired so far, I actually only gotten 1 of them... that was my second ex... my first was just a failure, my third, I rather not talk about it here... this isn’t a very good odd for me... and on top of that, I’m going to Aussie on Feb. 14th... yea.. valentine’s day... not that I had many good valentine’s day or even dated a girl on that day, it was always either with my gf (that time) or just another normal day where I get left out... so I don’t really care much honestly...

So if she were to take in account that if we were on a relationship it would be a long distance relationship, and that she might feel insecure that I’m all the way there and all, I really can’t do much about assuring her that I’ll remain loyal... and ironically, we only met this year and only started talking to each other just like 2 months back... so the excuse of we don’t really know each other is valid...

This is true... but for me, I know that she’s special, she’s different, she’s one in a million... but then again, don’t we all feel that when we’re in love... so these kindda excuse again isn’t valid... but really... she’s different... >,< and I guess I can go on blabbing about I’ll never find another angel like her and so on and so forth...

Since we’re there, this reminds me that I actually wrote a whole essay on a girl I had a crush on (oh crap, I missed this one out when I mentioned about the crushes I had, but this one was a failure too anyway coz she had a bf... till now....) and actually passed it up to teacher to mark... then she asked me to read it out to the class becoz it was soo hilarious... lol i’ll post it here for all to read because it’s quite interesting... ^,^

here it is!!
Love Story 101
Love Story 101
Crap, because of this thing my templates are all messed up... :( my profile is all the way down there now... sigh... Guess somethings gotta give...
I wish that this relationship I’m trying to have was like a job or university I’m trying to get in... because then I’ll know what exactly I have to do to get it, and if I don’t get it, I know that I’m just not good enough, or I asked too much, or something else, but the reason is clear... but sadly that isn’t true for relationships.... first of all, there’s no entry requirements, u can’t send in your resume, a CV and your final results... I kindda wish I could do that because if good results were an entry requirement of this relationship, oh god, I’d be studying every single second of the day... lol but no, it isn’t like that...

If it were a resume- hey, actually it isn’t a bad idea to send a resume to her... lol I think it would be sweet... well, technically it would be a love letter in a form of a resume... lol k, that would be something I’d do in within 5 days... or rather now, then I’ll get back to this when I feel like to...

Take care people, and if there’s ever anything any of you need that is in my capability, feel free to contact me, I’ll try my best to attend to your needs... =)

Friday, December 29, 2006

The day I Tripped and fell...

I think I just tripped, and fell in love with u...
It’s not something I wanted, for it’s been far too long...
Forgotten how to control it, I’m rolling down a hill...
It’s not something I wanted, for it’s far too complicated...
I see a future so bright, I’m like a morph to a flame...
It’s not something I wanted, I hate losing control...
Will the flame get blown away, by a subtle yet deadly breeze?
It’s not something I wanted, I don’t want to grief again...
But yet nothing I can do, but to just hope for the best...
It’s not something I wanted, oh god please guide me through...

Thursday, December 28, 2006

=D

Just had a long chat with her (around 3 hours) so glad it wasn’t at night... this proves that I can still sleep early while trying to get a girl...
Condition 1 fulfilled!

She doesn’t smoke, she doesn’t drink, she’s smart, she’s intelligent, she’s pretty, she SHORT!! Omg, thank god for that... XD she’s open minded, she’s clear minded, her future is bright, she’s pure (as in know evil but not do evil, not like some people who doesn’t know evil that’s why they don’t do evil, I think it’s important to differentiate that), she’s fun, she’s a happy person, she has interest in people, she is capable, she’s responsible, she’s sensible, she’s rational (hmm, do any of you remember all the moral values? XD she pretty much has all of them... ^,^), etc etc...

I hope this will lead to something in the future, oh god please keep her single till then... >,<

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Girls...

Girls are… actually I rather not say it here… people might get the wrong idea…

Sunday, December 24, 2006

This Shit Sucks...

And again, I'm giving up soon... Why does it have to be so hard?!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Out...

Ok… I’m out… I’m out of the door going all out… a mistake? Seems like it for now…

Sunday, December 10, 2006

The Doorman...

The Doorman… Standing there, waiting.. and looking as the people walk by… Some will stop, and ask the doorman for a thing or two, like where is certain places, or where to find certain things… The Doorman answers, and the stranger gives thanks and goes away and never appear in the Doorman’s life again…

The Doorman expects nothing… It is his job to be there, to just stand there, waiting for someone that needs help… Whoever that is, he ask for no names, nor anything else, but just help in whatever way he can, either showing the stranger in with a smile on his face, or bringing the stranger in… After that, he resumes his post and smile once in a while at whoever that notices he exist…

Little does the people around him knows, how important his job is… Simply because he makes no impact to anyone he meets, nor he changes anyone’s life directly… but, he is always there, when people needs something, making them feel welcomed and not alone, making them feel appreciated and important, making them feel they are not ignored…

Many people take it for granted, for the Doorman is always there, they expect someone to be there, they expect to be treated as such, they expect that the Doorman will come to them even if they don’t need anything, as long as they are in the view of the Doorman…

The Doorman likes his job, he likes helping people out, he don’t mind if they never even say thanks… but secretly, the Doorman laments… the loneliness in him growing each day, slowly…

He sees through people’s doors, and know how they feel, reacting accordingly, making them feel better… but the people around him don’t see through his, for he’s door has grown far too thick, too frosted… for he has been hurt too many times…

In the pass he opens his door, to a new girl, a new hope… but yet he gives and gives and gives… without knowing the girl just don’t care… yes he says, “I don’t expect a thing.” But that is never possible… Have you tried it? Have you done it? Even though not much, but it still hurts inside… as this went on, he shut his door, bolted it up, adding more layers…

He is afraid now, that the past will repeat itself… despite knowing the possibilities… he tries one more time… really careful this time, not to go too far out…

Half in half out, the door suddenly shuts on him… clipping him in the middle, he is trapped between the door… yet he is still struggles, the decision of going out or to going back in… suffering the pain, the burden, the weight from the door…

He sits here now… typing this shit… staring at the window, which lays blank without a reply…

Has he been ignored? Has he been forgotten? Has he been tricked? Lured to the sweat fantasies he once believed in? He can’t take it much longer… just so you know, the person who tempted him… I got no comments for you, but please… pull him out or push him back in… he is helpless there, suffering… so please… just please do something… just anything…