The Void That I Left Behind...

"Between grief and nothing I will take grief." ~ William Faulkner

This quote best describes the state I am in now, I was choosing between the 2 for this year. For the first half of it, I have chosen nothing. Alas, what I choice I’ve made. With nothingness I rotted away, faded into time, lost within myself.

Everyday I would wake up doing nothing, with this, I not only stopped myself from improving any further, but also started declining the steps of life. This stairway that everyone is climbing never ends, and what scares me most is if you are not ascending, you are declining. Numbness sets in and your feelings will be ignored by yourself. Suddenly, you don’t feel sad, angry, happy, loved, hated, jealousy, joy, or any other feelings.

Everyday would be the same to you, the people that talks to you, walks pass you, touches you or gives you something will not matter. Because the very next minute, you will forget about what happen and just carry on living for the sake of living. No purpose, no reason, no goals.

For those who will read this, no matter how empty you feel, never do nothing. Hate if you have to, hate the people around you, hate fate itself for putting you in that state, hate the things that you do, hate the world itself for anger will drive you on, even though not the best choice it is not the worst. For at least, when you have hatred you continue to excel in the things you do, you still have a purpose of living. And from there you will carry on living, a cursed life or not, it’s still better then nothing.

Grief if you have to, moan for your losses, feel sorrowful for yourself being the victim of misfortunes. Let the it torment you in your dreams. For at least, you are intact with your feelings, as your misery sets in, the storm will be over and joy will come again. As the gloomy nights passes, you will feel that you don’t want to continue this life style. And sooner or later, changes will come for your mind will not want to suffer any longer and will automatically turn around.

But if you do nothing, nothing will change. Nothing will come, nothing will pass. And what ever you did before will continue to crumble away in time. Our spirits will decay and our pride will be lost. They say that ego is the most dangerous enemy of mankind but without it, we will not even have the urge to continue with life. What made the world today? It is because men persisted to surpass themselves. The ego in them drove them on. Without it, we will lay useless and waste away our lives.