Thursday, January 27, 2005

Circle of Friends (History)

A Post no to be proud of...

Everyday I meet my friends, of cause I do, because they are all around my life. But what I do have is my circle of special friends. My definition of “special” means friends that I think are nice people. I got plenty of friends which I think isn’t nice people; I still consider them friends because I treat them best I can. And most of the time, they wouldn’t know. Nor would I bitch about them everywhere I go and that I would do it in front of people I know that are mature enough or insist to know.

Everyday, people walk in and out of this circle simply because everyday I know my friends better and better. Their true colors shines more brightly as you hang out with them more often so my opinion of them changes every now and then. What I’m trying to say is that I have all lot of friends that I don’t like. To be honest, I think my ex-school have allot of people that don’t deserve to be in my circle. I would say out of 10 people I know from my old school, hardly 3 to 4 is in my circle. The rest gets a 4 and below if I rate their personality from 1-10. Yes, that’s how bad my school is. Only after I left it, I realize that DJian’s aren’t to nice people after all. Can’t believe I’m actually saying this but that’s what I’ve observed these 3 weeks of my college life, the life I’m experiencing out of DJ is so different. Can’t believe how much I was blinded to see there are actually so many other nice people out there to hang out with then just that old bunch of DOTA-ers. And these people that I’m with now in HELP INT. (DUians, CHSians and Cempakens) they are wonderful people, especially the DUians, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, after 3 years knowing them now (since OBS 2002 YAC 16, and OBS CAC 56 when they were in a tailor made course), I still think they are great people. 2004’s form 5’s were so united and their friendship so strong that it actually touches me. Often I wonder why DJians be more like DUians. Look, I don’t care what results these schools produce. I don’t care about their academic achievements. What I care is the people inside… their level of maturity, their level of understanding and tolerance. All these values are MUCH more important then what results a school can produce! It’s saddening these are what the government and the administration of the school cares. How many as can their student score in SPM, PMR and blah blah blah. To me, I don’t freaking care how many As one score, if that person is socially outcasted by his friends like many other, I don’t think he was happy in that school. Some people in my school as I observed, is a loner. They go to school for only one purpose… to study… and they are so focused that they forsaken their social life. During PJKs, while we all go and have fun playing football and basket ball, they rather sit at the pavilion doing their homework. I’m sure this happens in all schools. Ask yourself this, are you the type of person that would go up to them and ask why not they join in? Or just leave them to do what they like… be honest with yourself… most of us would just ignore their presents. Well, I was like that too, but if now, I see a person sitting there alone and I’m with this big bunch of friends chatting away. I WILL go up to him and ask him to join us. Because I understand how they feel and they haven got over their shyness yet. It takes quite lot of guts to go true that stage if you know what I mean. And people, who have gone over it, should help others as much as they can. How many schoolmates of yours would do that? In my school, I would say 1 in a 50… YES… that’s how bad I think my school is. And I think that DUians would be around 1 in a 20? Bleh, I may be wrong but that’s my impression of them. Haha, enough of promoting SMKDU and back to the title… as you can guess, I’ve put allot of DUians in my friendship circle with or without them knowing. And if my other friends are aware enough, I would give sufficient hints that they are not welcomed in my circle. And I think this is very important. As most of my friends know, I’m starting a LEO club in HELP INT. and I really need all the support I can get from the friends I have in this circle. And whoever’s out of it, please note that you’re not welcomed anyway, for I don’t want any hypocrites in my club. I can see who’s sincere in helping out and who’s not… I’m not blind as I was anymore. At this juncture, I thank my readers for bearing with my bad grammar and spelling and paragraphing of this blog because I do know it’s a sore to the eyes to read such a long entry. And again I remind all of you, comments from anyone who’s sincere in their words are always welcome. Make yourself at home and type whatever you want in the chat box… =)

People

Why is it a culture to judge people according to their mistakes? Why people take into accounts the flaws you have yet abandon the sides of you which shines? All these things are creating barricades among social groups once you’re unaware of the emotions that’s going on in you, you show your imperfection, and there goes your reputation. No matter how many other qualities you have good or bad.

This leads to social discrimination, your considered inferior to those who just saw your imperfection. Well, I will not touch on that topic for now, but I do want to emphasize on how people react to these things. In my opinion, a mature person will always leave his or her mind opened to any subjects. But what normal people would do is when they see something bad in oneself, they end the topic with a conclusion - that this person is bad.

This is a common habit which one always makes. Not knowing no matter how bad that person is, there are good qualities in him or her that deserves respect. For example, Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), Hitler converted Germany into a fully militarized society and launched World War II in 1939. He instituted sterilization and euthanasia measures to enforce his idea of racial purity among German people and caused the slaughter of 6 million Jews, Sinti and Roma (Gypsies), Slavic peoples, and many others, all of whom he considered inferior.

Every one of us thinks he’s the worst person on earth. Little did we know he’s actually one of the greatest dictators in the 20th century? His words managed to convince millions to worship him. He’s public speaking skills well exceeds all other politicians. For that, I respect him. Not that we should worship him or anything, but if we push aside all those mindless killings and warmongering. He will be considered one of the greatest men on earth.

If only he used his talent for good, if only he used it to make the world a better place and not just “cleanse” everyone that is inferior. Osama bin Laden (1957- ), he freaking created a religion of his own! Despite all the bombings and all, I think he’s a great man. At this, many of my reader may be well disturbed, but this is my opinion, and it’s not bound to satisfy you. I’m not saying he’s a good hearted man, but a great man can be evil as well. Like the Bible, well, not that I know allot about it. But I think Lucifer is a VERY talented angel. He’s only mistake, to go against god. I hope my point is made.

Many of us follow the road everyone takes without thinking why. Our parents, friends and relatives says tells us “don’t watch porn. It’s bad.” or some of them bother to explain a little but only a little because they think we are too “young” to understand. Now tell me, who determines who is “young” and who’s not. Who standardized the whole “under 18” thingy? Tell me, WHO? The government, I’m not saying it’s wrong to do that, but I’m saying that may be applied to most people, BUT NOT ALL.

Whether one’s mature enough to understand the circumstances of adultery or watching theses things isn’t just decided by age, it’s decided by one’s mantle background. Whether he or she was brought up in away to mature mentally faster then others or not. And YES, I’m indirectly putting the blame on parents. A person matures according to how one’s family treats him or her. Their parents should not have a mantle blockage saying “oh your not 18, that’s why you should watch porn or smoke.” That is actually VERY BAD. Simply because when that little child is 18, he would think that I’M FINNALLY 18! I CAN DO ALL THOSE BAD THINGS! Well, NO… in my opinion.

We should never touch cigarettes nor alcohols or of any such. Porn? I got a totally different opinion on that and why one should only be exposed to that at a later age and will discuss it later… when our parents tell us to do something, we should always pop the annoying but beneficial question – WHY. A parent should know better then to just say “don’t ask why, just do it.” But take the time AND effort to slowly explain to the child. It’s annoying sometimes when little kids keep asking why when you ignore them; I’ve experienced it personally myself. But if you really care for the child answer them as polite as possible. And if they keep going on with “whys” (I’ve personally experienced this myself too, as we know that why is special in it’s way that is CAN go on forever) just say politely say I’ll tell you later, I’m busy.

I’m not going to go on and tell you what if he asks another why because it WILL be never-ending. But what ever you do, do not discourage that child to stop asking questions. If that child is your sibling, better still, say “go ask your mom” it’s very effective. As for us, when an adult tells us something is wrong and we shouldn’t do it, we should ask the magical question too, why. And if explained, then better. Go study on it, and then only form our own opinion.

Same goes to the social groups we have in college or schools, some girl goes around bitching about another guy. Instead of just listen to her talk bad about him, we should ask why. And it don’t just stop there, because her opinion may be incorrect. So after we listened to her, if we are really concern, we should go find out more. Consult that guy’s close friends, ask about him. Then most probably we will find out that there was a misunderstanding. I can assure you this, when ever one is talking bad about another, 80% or more of the time, misunderstands are the cause of it.

Assumptions, is what our biggest mistakes. If we break the work down, assume = ass-u-me. Meaning when we assume, we make an ass of you and me. Interesting huh? Who ever came out with this word… for those who have a different opinion on what ever was discussed earlier, I would like to know it for my knowledge is limited to such and I’m considered unwise to some. For those who agree, I hope this opens your mind to a whole new world of differences.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Mum's Birthday (History)

Today was my mom’s birthday. We went to a place call Marche in The Curve. The place totally rocks man. No time write how good the food is and all lar. That’s not my objective of writing this blog. But I want to share this any one who reads this. =) anyways, it started off like any other normal family dinner, but ended in a very magical way. Well, if you really want to know, we had salmon, mushroom soup, chicken pasta, sausage and the rest I can’t really remember lar.

After filling our stomach, we started talking about me… and erm.. well it didn’t start too well, cause like all parents, they’ll dig up how lazy I’ve been lately, college started and I haven really studied and blah blah blah… I’m sure I don’t need to describe it in detail. Suddenly, I decided to take a different approach. Instead of nodding and wishing it to end asap, I started to argue my points. I was getting fed up.

Amazingly, they took it calmly this time and did not say things like “don’t you dare talk like this to your parents” they actually started listening! I’m sure this isn’t normal for all teenagers. Our opinions are always taken as rebellious acts against our parents. But this time, they listened. I explained why I was playing computer.

Well, I have to admit this reason may not be the most valid one, I said if I were to just study everyday and do homework and all, when I get together with my friends, they would be like “hey ninja, do you want to play DOTA (a kind of warcraft 3 game) later?” and I would be like “er no, my parents wouldn’t let me” and after awhile, my friends will start neglecting me and I would be a outcast, a loner, someone who doesn’t know how to have fun, someone that has “no life”.

Common, we all have our interest and hobbies. They may not be the best hobbies but at least it’s something we can talk about in groups and laugh about. Well, not that I do play DOTA nowadays that much cause of several reasons. But I do miss those days when I can get together with my friends and just start talking bout it. Like “eh you remember that day we tapaued Sean they all within 26mins ar? Haha it was damn geng k, I used my lich and you were the Anti-Mage. Muahaha..” this conversations can go on forever. And to me, it’s important to have this kind of relationships with friends. These memories last forever. They really do.

But oh well, if you have read my other blog “My Past” erm.. well, I was boycott by that group of friends lar… so guess those days were over… erm… ok… back to “My Mom’s Birthday” haha… I’m like so off topic… LOL anyways, yeah. My parents actually started to look at things my way. Amazingly, this time, my mom was the 1st to agree with me. Normally, it would be my dad. Well, generally speaking, most moms are erm… less “cool”… haha… I’m sure u guys gotta agree with me… and yeah… after that, we had a walk around that place and my mom said it was the happiest day of her life.

This really invoked my thought. What I mean is, we didn’t buy her anything, I even erm… well, forgot to make her a card… but all I did was to clarify my thoughts and have a mutual understanding with my parents. She was really touched by this, how all this time I had these thoughts in my mind without letting them out. She was really happy, so was my dad, and of cause I was really happy too. I willingly gave her a kiss and she gave me one to. For the 1st time in my life, we had a meaningful family hug. Well too bad my brother couldn’t join us. He’s in USA… haha…

I hope readers of my blog do consider repairing their broken relationships with their parents. Or if it was never broken, appreciate them and tell them you love them every week at least? Yeah, I really appreciate my parents and I do love them a lot. Even before this, I always thank god how lucky I am to be placed in this family. Because my aunts and uncles, cousins, and even cousin’s cousins are all VERY nice people. Anytime if I’m having problems with my family or friends. I can call any of them up and they would be more then willing to help. Of cause not forgetting my always supporting brother in USA which taught me how to “fake smoke” when under pressure of friends… haha, but I never really used it lar… what’s fake smoke? Erm… ask him… haha… he personally gave a lesson to me, and 2 other cousins of mine… k lar, I’ll end here.

Lastly, I would like to say out loud that I really love my family and all true friends that I had over the years. Some I’ve lost contact, I’m really sorry bout that, but those who are still with me, I treasure every single memory I had with you guys.


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

My Past (History)

This a post that I'm not too proud of


It’s true I wasn’t too perfect in the past. And because of that, I’ve became most infamous. Some one took advantage of that and spread my imperfection. I wasn’t too smart then as well. Cause I let him do it. I let him ruin my life and make my life most miserable. Everyday, I try my best to impress people around me, not knowing that is my greatest mistake. Everyday I became more and more unhappy. Everyday I go home thinking what did I do wrong. I became depressed. And the more depressed I was, the more this one person took advantage of it. Thinking he was a friend. I was MOST wrong. He was a bastard, a back stabber, a hypocrite. That is what he is. Finally one day he went over board with his jokes and I realized that I don’t need this guy in my life. I don’t need him to have fun. The whole bunch of people I had mixed with. They were all hypocrites. They remain in the shadows of this guy. He was the leader of this group, everyone just followed. He decides where to go and where to have fun most of the time. Everyone else just followed. When he laughs at someone, everyone followed. And guess who he laughs at most of the time? Me… I endured it for a very long time. Not knowing why. But now, I’ve realized that this guy is no friend of mine. He is an ass. As formal as I am typing this blog, I can’t find any better words to suit him. A dog, a lifeless asshole which produces nothing but shit. All that he says and does are all crap and meant to be flushed down into a toilet bowl. As now I am, I am happy without this guy in my life, true friends are becoming clearer to me, those hypocrites are also clearer to me. Now I choose my friends wisely. Only now I realize how stupid I was to put myself in that position to let him push me so far down that I can hardly see the sky. Made me so small that I forgot that how many true friend I really have and I do not need this ass to have fun. One thing I most did not understand bout him. He can be nice. Oh yes he can. He’s nice to his girlfriend, he’s nice to his other friends. But somehow, he never forgave my imperfection. Every single mistake I made, he laughed at me. Throw hurtful words at me. I never showed it. Of cause I never did. I am a boy, I have ego in me, I pretended I enjoyed his “jokes”. I will not name this person. But for those who knows me well enough. Would know who this ass is. I hate him. I despise him to the maximum. But because I do not believe in revenge. I did not do anything in responds. I just live on with my life. And so I am here, writing this blog. To share among those who knows what it’s like to be pushed down. To be kicked around emotionally. To be talked bad about... I have to add that I may have exaggerated some points.. But that was how I felt...